The Boyfriend Myth – The Big Lie!
How would you define the following three things: dating, boyfriend, and myth?
Let’s examine the way the World Book Dictionary defines them.
Dating is defined as a social engagement between persons of the opposite sex.
Boyfriend is defined as a girl’s sweetheart or steady male companion
Myth is defined as an imaginary person of thing.
I chose to use the more popular title, The Boyfriend Myth, rather than girlfriend because of the way they are used in the American culture. However everything that I am saying regarding dating applies to both boys and girls.
We will define The Boyfriend Myth as a mythical social engagement (dating) between a girl and a boy in which she is seriously interested.
I use the term myth when God is left out of the dating selection process. It is my opinion after thirty-seven years of Christian counseling that the Boyfriend Myth contributes to much of the failure within marriages and families in America today. It is my opinion that Satan tries to establish bad relationship habits and consequences during dating that will later damage and even destroy marital and family relationships.
“In order that no advantage be taken of us by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his schemes.” (2 Corinthians 2:11)
This lesson is written in an attempt to forewarn and forearm Christian teens against the subtle and deceptive dating schemes of the Satan.
DATING IS AN AMERICAN CUSTOM for the selection of a mate for the divine institutions of marriage and family. In some cultures, the parents of families select the mates for their children.
For example, this was true in the biblical days of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. One of the great love stories from this biblical period was Jacob and Rachel.
It is interesting because it had similar problems associated with the schemes of Satan through parental selection. It is similar because God was left out of the selection. You can read about in Genesis 29.
“So it came about in the morning that, behold, it was Leah! And he said to Laban, ‘What is this you have done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I served with you? Why then have you deceived me?’” (Genesis 29:25)
In contrast, the love story between Isaac and Rebekah is filled with the
counsel of God’s selection. You can read about it in Genesis 24.
“And he said, ‘O Lord, the God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. Behold, I am standing by the spring and daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw the water. Now may it be that the girl to whom I say ‘please let down your jar so that I will drink’ and who answers ‘drink and I will water
your camels also’ be the one whom Thou hast appointed for Thy servant Isaac. By this I shall know that Thou hast shown lovingkindness to my master and it came about before he had finished speaking that behold, Rebekah who was born to Bethuel the son of Milcah, the wife of Abraham’s brother Nabor came out with her jar on her shoulder.”
(Genesis 24:12-15)
And as they say, the rest is biblical history.
It is interesting that American parents forget that teen’s date with marriage in mind. Teens also have adult romantic interests in mind. Teens watch movies and videos, read books, and have long talks with their friends about it. But few are aware that the Bible has a great deal to say on the subject.
The boyfriend myth promotes a FRANTIC SEARCH FOR A MYTHICAL MATE out of the world. It operates from the premise that YOU are responsible to seek and select both your date now and your future mate for life with little if any input from God.
It operates from the conceptual idea that YOU do the entire active searching and selecting and GOD does little or nothing. God is too busy maintaining His creation to be concerned with YOU, who you date or how you date. This is what the Devil would like you to believe.
Listen to this statement regarding God’s love connection between Rebekah and Isaac.
“And I bowed low and worshiped the Lord, and blessed be the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, WHO HAD GUIDED ME in the right way to take the daughter of my master’s kinsman for his son.” (Genesis 24:48)
This principle is not just for ancient biblical history. The same biblical principles for marriage that were given to Adam and Eve and practiced throughout the Old Testament were declared by Jesus Christ to be relevant today
“Have you not read, that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘for this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh’? Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh.
WHAT THEREFORE GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER, LET NO MAN SEPARATE.” (Matthew 19:4-6)
The boyfriend myth promotes a blind searching for a mystical romantic soul mate by dumb luck. Blind searching is leaving God’s counsel out of it.
The Devil is the only one who promotes blind searching for the things that God is willing to give freely by His grace.
“In whose case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving, that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.” (2 Corinthians 4:4)
“god of this world. The devil, who is the archenemy of God and the unseen power behind all unbelief and ungodliness.” (NIV, 2 Cor.4: 4, pg.1767)
“And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2)
Samson is an example of conformity to the world’s way of thinking rather than being transformed to God’s way of thinking. Samson’s blind searching for a mystical mate was part of the boyfriend myth of conformity to this world.
Conformity of the world produced in Samson a false scale of values regarding selection of a soul mate. His scale of values went from physical to social to emotional. Because of conformity to the world thinking, the spiritual was not part of his value system of dating life.
“Then Samson went down to Timnah and saw a woman in Timnah, one of the daughters of the Philistines. So he came back and told his father and mother, ‘I saw a woman in Timnah, one of the daughters of the Philistines; now therefore, get her for me as a wife.’ Then his father and mother said to him. ‘Is there no woman among the daughters of your relatives, or among all our people that you go to take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines? But Samson said to his father, ‘Get her for me, for she looks good.’” (Judges 14:1-3)
“The disappointment of Samson’s parents is understandable in light of the prohibition against marriage with the people of Canaan (Ex.34:11,16; Dt.7:1,3).
Christians also have a prohibition against marriage to unbelievers.
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” (2 Corinthians 6:14)
If you want to know why you should not become unequally yoked with unbelievers, read the end of Samson story recorded in Judges 16.
You might be thinking, ‘ I’m not getting married I’m just dating.’ But remember that dating is an American custom for the selecting of a mate for marriage.
“Don’t we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord’s brothers and Cephas?” (1 Corinthians 9:5)
Whenever a biblical standard is pushed to the last place or no place, the Christian knows that he is involved in the boyfriend myth of conformity to the world.
“You adulteresses, do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”
(James 4:4)
The negative effect of the boyfriend myth upon the American culture is seen in the increasing amount of separation, divorce, and conflict within marriages and families.
“Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7)
The right way to date is with God’s advice. The wrong way to date is with the world’s advice.
God’s answer to the boyfriend myth is selective dating.
We will define selective dating as the social engagement of Christian teens that are selective about whom they date as well as the activities in which they engage while on that date. They are not ashamed to be identified with the Lord and therefore make the spiritual a priority in dating.
“For this reason I also suffer these things, but I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day.” (2 Timothy 1:12)
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)
“And I bowed low and worshiped the Lord, and blessed the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who had guided me in the right way to take the daughter of my master’s kinsman for his son.” (Genesis 24:48)